Control

I am a self proclaimed control freak

(I get it honest)

and

I detest not being in control of something 

that is important to me...

then I am reminded 

that ultimately, 

I am not in control...

He is!

But I think He let's me think I am occasionally

just to get a chuckle

and

to see how far I will go

before I remember that

HE

is in charge...

NOT ME!

And no,

I have not learned a whole lot of patience either.

I don't like waiting on other people for stuff *I* need!

Lord, please help me remember that YOU are in control,

not me,

and that YOU will do things on YOUR time...

NOT MINE!

(but hurry up please)

Revelation...

I had a revelation today that I am sad to say should NEVER have happened!

It should not have taken a revelation!!

This has been a really financially stressful couple of years.

I have prayed that God would take care of my family, financially - for 3 years!

I have thanked Him for our health and prayed for others when they needed it

(and when I slowed down to do it).

I discovered today that these past few weeks/months I have been 

INSANELY selfish in my prayers!!!

Earlier this week I we had a very profitable and promising lead

on a rental for the house...

I saw $$ and did not slow down to really

think about where this lead was coming from...

My long time pediatrician, 

yes MY pediatrician -

the man that treated me 

and both of my sisters

as children -

and now sees my children...

had a fire in his home.

Thankfully, his family and pets were ok.

But by sheer luck - 

we were contacted by someone working for the insurance

company trying to arrange temporary housing for them.

It was a very quick and potentially profitable "answer to prayer"

But...

Not once did I stop and REALLY pray for this man and his family.

I said the right things - I am thankful no one was hurt.

But I was still so caught up in the 

"how awesome is this for ME"

attitude - I didn't truly 

stop and genuinely pray for him.

That same day - I learned that the husband of my oldest son's teacher 

(did you follow that?)

passed away that day after a long battle with cancer.

I was crushed for her!  But knew it wasn't

my place to say anything to my child or any other parents.

So I haven't said or done anything.

Then today - I decided I would go ahead and get a card for her.

While standing there in the card aisle

I was trying to find one that said just the right thing at just the right price.

Until I realized, this woman just lost her husband and I am sitting

here worried about $3 difference on a CARD!

WHAT WAS I DOING???

Not once had I stopped and really thought about and prayed 

for this woman to feel God's

comfort

love

and

peace!!!

I was so upset with myself!  

I have truly been so wrapped up 

in my "problems" that I have totally 

lost sight of what is going on around me.

I was so ashamed that when I got in my car,

I literally started crying and praying.

First for this woman to be comforted by God

And to feel a peace about her husband's passing

I CANNOT IMAGINE!

Then I prayed and asked for God's forgiveness 

for my absolute selfishness lately!

Friends - 

please take a minute 

and say a prayer for someone else

right this second.  

Someone else who needs your prayers!

The Country...

We have had an eventful weekend...

we had our first showing Friday night but they decided 

that they didn't care for the layout of our house

as much as others.  

That's ok - its a START!!!  

We loaded up the beast and went to the country

to visit my grandmother - 

she hosted a small family gathering for us...

a fish fry!!

The kids did their best to catch enough fish for us to eat, but unfortunately 

they were not successful.  

They did each catch a fish or two and the baby even gave the ole rod and reel a spin!

My second son stayed outside on that fishing dock literally all day Saturday

and Sunday morning at 8:30 we were back out there!  

The only "catch" (haha) is that mommy does NOT

put worms or crickets (ICK!) on the hook!

(I did 2 worms Sun morning cause I didn't have a choice)

And my kids haven't been forced to learn it yet cause they are sticking something on a HOOK

afterall!

Along with catching fish and eating fish...we did a little farming

and picked a bunch of squash

(which mommy LOVES but the kids don't eat without being forced to)

that same field produced a bunch of the most amazing creamer potatoes earlier this year

so from our country visit we came home with:

8 boxes of MacBee peaches

(only 1 box made it to my house)

3 watermelons 

(2 of those made it to my house)

~10 pounds of summer squash

(over half made it to my house)

~ 15 pounds of creamer potatoes

(most of that made it to my house)

I am truly going to miss that!  

I realize I am coming back and I will not be gone forever

but I think I will have to plan my visits around my great uncles crops!!  

Another exciting thing...

we discovered another amazing benefit of my husband's new job...

he gets comp time!

This means - he can work 4 10s and get a 3 day weekend.

So with the approval of the powers that be

he will be coming home possibly 

on the 11th

that is 10 days away!!

So glad we haven't bought that plane ticket yet!

My oldest still hasn't grasped fully what is going on...

we were talking in the car this morning on the way to school.

They have track-out coming up and 

we were talking about all of the things we were going to try and do

with the grandparents over track-out:

Grandmother's camper at the beach, 

Great Wolf Lodge with Grammy

Maybe Columbia to visit the cousins...

My oldest asked if Daddy was going to be home to go with us to GWL,

I shook my head "no".

Will he be home with us to go to the beach?

I shook my head "no".

Will daddy get to go to the waterpark with us at all?

I shook my head "no".

Then he dropped his head and started rubbing his eyes.

I kinda wish they understood but

am kinda glad they don't,

cause this is hard enough on me and my husband 

I wouldn't want them feeling like this.

The "not knowing" is hard on everyone!

And no matter how hard we try - 

we cannot predict when someone will buy or 

rent this house.

My oldest was quizzing his daddy via Skype last night about 

when we were going to Texas to be with him

 and 

when he was coming home

and 

when someone was going to buy our house

and 

when someone was going to rent out house...

Makes it hard when you don't have all the answers for your kids...

but we are praying every night for
"God please let someone come and buy our house soon so we can move to Texas with daddy"

then my oldest added

"or God please let someone come and rent our house so we can move to Texas with daddy and live with him"

then is little brother added

"for ever and ever - AMEN".

Just the Beginning??

I feel like the flood gates might be opening a little more...

We are going to my grandmother's for the weekend

and I had started cleaning up a little around 3:30ish

I got a call at 4:15 telling me that we had our

FIRST OFFICIAL SHOWING

at 5:15!

That was 1 hour!!!

Thankfully we have worked so hard over the past few weeks

that it was pretty easy to do a quick run through the house.  

I have used an odd addage to describe selling a house...

Just like getting pregnant - it only takes once!  :)

- And I know, it has happened 4 times for me! -

It just takes one person to like your house...

I don't have high hopes that this person was "THE" person

but it was a START!  And that is HUGE to me.  

Meanwhile - I am at peace with all of this.  I know it will happen!

I know it will...

My sisters both subscribe to a couple of different blogs where Christian women 

write little devotionals and inspirations...

They both sent me the same one a couple of days ago talking about 

trusting God to take care of you and your needs.  

He has so far and I trust that He will continue.

And He has reminded me frequently that "I" 

am NOT in control.

HE IS!!! 

At what cost??

I have spent a lot of time making phone calls, 

creating spreadsheets, 

doing research 

and trying to figure things out this week.

Things are starting to happen 

- nothing new on the move - 

but things are finally changing for the better...

I am calmer this week than I have been since this whole thing started.

I know everything is happening in God's time,

not mine...

I am a control freak and everything about this house is out of my control...

I can't just pack up everything and walk away...

I am seeing things happen on all fronts but the housing situation...

We know the best financial decision is for us to stay up here until the house sells 

and my husband stays down there,

BUT

what is the best financial decision that gets us back together as a family??

That is what I want to know... 

I know there are thousands of military families whose spouses are overseas 

and they don't know when they will get to talk to them again,

or when they will get to see them again.

But they do know it will be a LONG time.  

I try to remember that, I do...

But we don't HAVE to do this...

so what is the "cost" 

and 

is it worth it??