Monday, May 7, 2012

Proverbs 31

My baby sister signed me up
for a devotional a few months ago.
I do my best to read each post that comes
my way
but sometimes they are delayed by days.

I read this one as soon as it came in
because I was intrigued by the title.

So I read it.
I swear this lady stepped into my head
and looking into my heart and my past
and wrote this about me!

I was wounded a few years
ago by a few girls that 
I considered friends...
close friends.
I have never been the same.

It affected every relationship I had
both male and female.

I am still struggling to find those
good strong Christian women
that the author of this blog found.
Thankfully I have my 2 beautiful sisters
and an amazing mom.
I don't know what I would do without them!
But I have moved 1500 miles away from them.

But I have yet to make connections,
that my heart desires,
with other women,
since it was shattered almost 4 years ago.

Still waiting and trying, but I realized I have not been praying.
I have not been praying for these women in my life.
Mainly because I am so content and busy with 
my best friend and kids,
but it would be nice to have a kindred spirit
to call when I need a pick me up.

Growing up my mom was my best friend.
I told her everything.
She knew more than most moms know about their
It wasn't until about 3 years or more
into my marriage
that my husband became my best friend.

Now God has blessed me with a little girl.
And even though she is only 3,
a few months ago,
I was really worried
that we were going to butt heads
and not have the relationship my mom
and I had.

We seemed to just clash no matter what I did.
She wanted daddy
for everything.
What was I doing wrong??
Why didn't she like me??

We still have our moments,
but she has started just blurting out:
"Mom, I love you".

And all the world seems right.

I know there are tough years ahead but
I will take the "I love yous"
anytime I can get them!
I can only PRAY that
I have the relationship with my
daughter that my mom and I had.

My husband also reminded me during
my heartbreak over my female friends,
that ultimately,
what mattered most,
was what was sitting around our dinner table
every night.
These 6 people.

He's right.
And I think about that often.

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